I just want this week to be over so badly.
I need stuff to occupy my time so that it doesn’t seem like it’s going by so slowly because when I’m alone I’m just sad and feel useless and get really down on myself.
And then I just want to text my boyfriend who I know already thinks I’m a psycho because he’s the only one I go to with my crazy thoughts of inadequacy and no guy wants to hear about a girl who isn’t confident but I feel like I’ve already ruined that.
I used to be so good at being happy. Faking it even though I didn’t feel it. And people liked me.
I don’t know what the fuck happened to me. I’m not the person people feel like they can come to anymore, anytime, with anything. I feel like I put people off a lot.
I don’t know if it’s the drugs, or the shitty things I’ve done, or the shitty people I knew, or what.
I ruined myself over the last few years and I feel so low sometimes about not being good enough that I don’t know where to direct the sadness.