Just a small rant.

Sometimes, I post photos when I’m feeling okay or confident and say things about how I’m not going to worry about my fat, or how I don’t care that my body is imperfect or that I may have fat but I’m still sexy. 


I don’t say these things so that people will say “you’re not fat” or “you look great don’t worry!”

I’m not worrying. I know I have excess fat. The majority of the population does. There are parts of me that jiggle, most of my shorts don’t cover the fat on my thighs. I have a lumpy butt and a stomach roll.

But when I post these pictures, it’s not so that people will tell me I don’t have all these things and that I look fine. 

I DO have all these things, and I know I look fine. I am only acknowledging that I am flawed, and learning to accept that. 

I have fat, and I am sexy. 

Serious Question

TRIGGER WARNING: I talk about SI in this. 


I intend to look for a job in the Social Work field once I have completed school. So, within the next 3-5 years. 

Currently, I have scars (cuts and burns) on my forearm from self injury. I have wanted, for a long while, to get a tattoo to cover the cuts on the inside of my left forearm. My tattoo will say “Through many dangers, toils, and snares.” 

I have hesitated because I know that many places still do not allow tattoos/piercings. My thing is, is it not better to have a tattoo on my forearm than visible self injury scars? Especially in the field I’m going in to?

Must….do….homework…

I have my final assignment for psychology due on Friday and I’m writing about body dysmmorphic disorder which you would think would be pretty easy for me.

But don’t worry ya’ll. 

I have exactly 0% done. 

Working out with people who don’t motivate you is the worst. Partners should push you without putting you down. Never tell people they “gave up” because you ran faster and longer than them. Don’t tell people they aren’t pushing their limits because they do interval workouts instead of pushing straight through. 

Don’t tell me I’m not pushing my boundaries every time I make the decision to go for a run, when 3 years ago I weighed 276 pounds and couldn’t make it a block before I quit. 

Don’t tell me I’m not fit because I don’t do what you do. I am fit, I am strong, I am dedicated, and I am pushing myself. 

I’m sorry.

I realize sometimes I must seem very hypocritical because I strongly support and promote loving your body, and I find beauty in so many people that can’t see it in themselves, and I fail to share that same love with myself sometimes. Regression and going backwards in this weight loss thing has me in a negative way at times, but I am trying. 

I’m doing a psychology project and writing about body dysmorphic disorder, and I can’t stop crying enough to even write, and it has thrown me into a dark place this evening. 

But what I don’t ever, ever, ever want is for anyone to see what I write about myself and think that it means that they are not good enough. You ARE beautiful. So am I, I just have a long way to go with the demons in my head. 

Thank you.

I was expecting a harsh reality to be thrown in my face, but all I’m getting is a ton of support and love and understanding. I promise to respond individually to each of you when I can find the words. 


Thank you, followers, really. 

Grocery List

My list of meals for the week, as well as my groceries bought:

(The majority of my recipes are from the book 300 Calorie Recipes.

Monday:
Lunch: Pasta Salad
Dinner: Not determined because I may go out

Tuesday:
B: Cranberry Scone & Fruit Smoothie
L: Enlightened Tuna Noodle Casserole
D: Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

Wednesday:
B: Ham, Egg & Cheese Sandwich
L: Rice Pilaf and Celery & Carrots with greek yogurt dip
D: Potato Zucchini Pancakes

Thursday:
B: Cranberry Scone & Fruit Smoothie
L: Deli Roast Beef Wrap
D: Whole Wheat Stuffing 

Friday: 
B: Potato Zucchini Pancakes
L: Lettuce Chicken Wraps
D: Undecided, Probably going out with boyfriend

What I bought today (I already had quite a few main ingredients from last weeks groceries)

Pico De Gallo
Potato
Zucchini
Onion
Dried Cranberries
Romaine Lettuce
Deli Sliced Low Sodium Roast Beef
Fat Free Milk
Fat Free Sour Cream
Whole Wheat Tortillas
Whole Wheat Bread
Vegetable Rotini 
Mixed Nuts
Low Sodium Vegetable Broth
Oat Bran


I was expecting a much higher grocery bill from Ralphs, but I only spent 26 dollars for a weeks worth of meals. Bargain shopping at its finest, ya’ll. 

Just made a list of my meals for this week. 

Planning to succeed.